31st December 2011.

Hello all, finally, its the last day of the year. This year seems to pass really fast, with many events happening and a huge transition in my life. So, as the tradition goes, I will do a recap of what happened in this whole year. Just as you may have realized, this year I don't blog as much as I used to. I guess I was too caught up with stuffs in life and that I did not have time to update my blog.

I wanted to do like what I did for the past two years (reading back my old entries for the whole year but apparently I didn't blog much in 2011, plus most of the entries are crappy ones) so, yeah no what-happened-from-Jan-Dec thing this year. Huge transition, my so-called most unwanted time of my entire life has finally arrived in 2011. That, is another phase in life - THE WORKING LIFE. There was never a time when I really thought about what am I going to do in the future, what do I want to be (remember our teachers in school used to ask us what is our ambition in the future?) - and my answers would be - A TEACHER. Hahaha it was one of the most popular answers back then. All I ever thought about was to just go with the flow - from primary school, to secondary school, then to form six, and then pursue my degree in local university and finally start working. Because that was what happened in the family, my sisters did that, and so I thought I will do the same. Which I did. Even up to when I was supposed to choose the course for my university, I didn't know what I want. And again went with the flow. I just took everyone's advice and turned it to my own decision. And now, I have finally graduated and stepped into the most horror time of my life - the working life. I guess its the most horror time of my life is because I just didn't want to grow up. I just wanted to be a kid, with no worries at all.

The whole of 2011 was like a two different world for me. First half of the year I was still a student enjoying my life with my friends and live a carefree life. The second half of the year was a big change for me when I finished my studies and came back to Kuching for good. I am now working, experiencing the real working world for approximately four months now, which I am not so happy about but I chose to work here anyways just because I love the people here - they are very nice. My life has changed 360. I am no longer able to sleep in the morning and wake up in the evening anymore. I have more worries in life, more stressed up than ever. And the worst thing is I work until late every single day and my work is still not done. Guess that is where I am supposed to grow up and be more matured, try to manage my time (yes that's what people ALWAYS tell me) and just enjoy life as it is.

Well, at least I went for a vacation before I started my next phase in life. The vacation was good, I truly enjoyed it. Read more of my vacation here.

SAWADEEKAAAAA :)

I have gained so much experience in life, during my university days and the working life. I can definitely tell you that we should always enjoy our student life - not just being a nerd and study and get Dean's List but also to enjoy the student life because it is a once in a lifetime experience. Once we go past that, we don't get to experience it anymore. And for myself, I am still in the process of learning about life and everything else as I have just stepped into the real world. I would want this year to be a better year - who wouldn't want that?

And this, is me finally graduated. With a very proud-of-myself look. Well, I did survived 3 years of university.

All in all, 2011 is a year that is full of love, tears, sadness, separation, excitement, fear and most of all joy. I am also truly blessed to have met amazing people who came into my life. I thank God for the amazing ones. You know who you are. and YES, you are reading this now :)

So, 2011 is done. So what's next in list for 2012? Any new year resolution? I don't think I ever completed any of my new year resolutions so there's no point setting a new one - but I don't even remember my old ones! Crappylogy!

Well there are a few things that I would want to achieve in 2012.
1) Look deep inside me and search for what I really want, what God really wants me to do.
2) Always catch up with people that matters to me even when I am busy and be with people that I love.
3) Go travel!
4) More of travelling!
5) And travelling! (Before that I have to work save $ work save $ and work save $!)

Yup, that's about it. Nevertheless, 2011 has been a great year for me. Looking forward to 2012, the year of the GREAT DRAGON - fyi. its MY YEAR :)

How can you believe in God?

Something that caught my eye when I was browsing through my Facebook.
Taken from HERE

How can you believe in God?

If you are not at all religious and you are reading my blog, you might wonder “how on earth can she believe so strongly in a God she hasn’t seen? Aren’t we living in 2011?” Nowadays it’s not so common in the west anymore to grow up in a religious family, God is a little bit outdated and unfortunately people blindly choose the way of the society, without giving God a second thought. I’m not despising anyone, because we are all a product of our society, but too many people consider atheism to be the highest norm, or the only “normal” belief.

But to give an answer to the question “How can you believe in God?” I have to start to tell you that believing is not something based upon a research or proof. If you can prove it, you don’t need faith because you already have the evidence. Belief, or faith, is a supernatural experience and a miracle that takes place in your heart after coming in contact with God Himself. It’s also a choice that we need to make even though we don’t have all evidences. I can never prove that God is real, I have experienced talking to Him and I have had answers to my prayers, but how can I tell someone else to believe just based on that? It’s impossible.

I have spent hours and hours reading the bible, which is Gods Word, and I believe the Word has a supernatural ability to convince us in our spirit that God is real. But once again, that’s something which is real for me and I can never prove it to you. Science can also not prove God’s existence, because God is Spirit and science deal only with the physical things. You can believe in science and you can still believe in God, but if you believe that science is the only true authority, then you cannot believe in God, because science can never prove the spiritual realm.

In India for example, where I live, almost everyone believes in something greater than what they see. Either you are a Hindu, a Muslim, a Christian or something else. Everyone accepts that there is a supernatural world, except maybe a few atheists. I know many other countries like that where the spiritual world is totally accepted in the society, but not in many western countries. In Sweden where I am born and raised, they teach atheism in schools, and they have completely removed all prayer, biblereading and Christianity from a country which is projected as a Christian country. If you live in Sweden and believe in God, you are considered as either naive or as someone who had a rough childhood and has a need of comfort in religion. Believing in God is almost as naive as believing in Santa Claus.

But I want to tell you that I have read science, I have had a good childhood, I have not taken my decision based on my parents belief, I grew up in an atheist “science-believing” society, I have both religious and non religious friends, I am not mentally retarded, but I still believe in God. Why?

Why I believe
It’s basically like this; Yes I grew up in a Christian family, but that didn’t make me a Christian, just as you can’t become a car by just sitting in the garage. It was not until I chose to give Him a chance, to step out of my mentally “thinking-right” boundaries, that everything changed. When I gave Him a chance He came to me. He became real to me and I cannot explain how. I have never seen Him physically, but i have experienced His reality.

Sometimes when I have had a question to God I use to ask it, and in a short period of time I got the answer somehow, through something I read, through someone who spoke to me, or just a thought that came up within me or something that came up on TV. The answer was just sent by God. When I used to pray I could feel His presence coming into the room, and He would sit there and listen to my prayers. Once again, that is nothing I can prove to you, I just know it very strongly. Sometimes I have prayed and asked for things, at certain times very difficult things, and God has somehow made sure I got it. I cannot doubt it was from Him. Other times I have been in danger and experienced His protection. One day I was in a very tough situation and my mother (who lived in another city) woke up in the middle of the night and felt a strong need and an urge to pray for my protection, without knowing anything about the situation. No one can come and tell me that wasn’t God. I have also seen people in wheelchairs stand up and walk after a prayer in Jesus’ name, I have seen deaf people starting to hear after prayer, my mom had a leg that grew out 10 cm after prayer when she was a young teenager, people who have prayed for me have received exact visions and specific words from God which fits into me and my family’s situation, and they don’t even know me or my family.

Well I can tell of endless experiences which makes me even more sure of Gods existence, but even then I must say that it wasn’t these kind of things that made me believe in God. I believed long before I experienced these things. Even if I would never had experienced anything supernatural during my lifetime I would still believe, because faith is a choice, and religion is a relationship. It’s a relationship with God Himself that we must entertain on a regular basis, just like any relationship. If someone would ask me, I would say “Of course God exist, I just spoke to Him today“. My love/faith to God is not based upon supernatural experiences, it’s based in just that; love, and fellowship with Him. To be able to believe in what you cannot see is a great miracle. It’s a conviction that takes place in my heart. I just know that I know that I know that God is real.

But it’s also a personal choice. You can never become a believer just because someone says that you are in the need of a savior to wash away your sins, even though it’s true, we are all sinners, and we can’t have a relationship with God unless our sins are being washed away. But it doesn’t start with someone else telling you. It starts within your own heart. The bible says that no one can come to the Father unless the Spirit of God draws Him near, close to Himself. God always makes the first initiative. But just the fact that you have read this article is a sign that He has already taken that initiative towards you. The response is left to your side.

It’s this easy; either you give Him a chance, or you skip the idea. There is no one to force you and there is no one to hinder you, the choice is yours and you do whatever you like. But if you want to give it a try I just want to tell you that God is the most wonderful person I know, and that no one has ever lost anything trying to know Him. The only thing you have to do is ask Jesus to forgive your sins, because He has the ability of washing it all away, as if it have never happened. And secondly you have to welcome Him into your life as the highest authority; that’s means, whatever He says in His Word (the bible) is the best for you and me, because it is written out oflove. And prayer is not a formal thing, simply talk and express yourself as you are talking to a person. Why all this change of voice and special “prayer positions” and all those things? Be relaxed when you pray, be yourself and know there is a wonderful loving father listening to your prayer, and there are millions of angels in heaven dancing and rejoicing over a person who prays for the first time.

God bless you!

THE WORKING LIFE.

This is obviously my life right now.

Feeling all the stress of everything. And everything derives from work.

Just a little update on my work. Started this job about a month ago, and still struggling with it, tons of job given. Taken for granted yes, for my workload has turned from 1 to 5-6 things at a time and only being told after I started working. Currently still trying to juggle with that, plus there's activities going on and I'm one of the person in charge (due to lack of manpower) so since last week, I've been staying back in office to do my work up til 8pm and latest 9pm, when I'm suppose to be off duty at 5pm. Everyday I would be sitting there facing the desktop and watching one by one of my colleagues leave the office. Now that's my current life.

Everyone would ask me to manage my time well and such, well I did, and I'm trying. Now how do I manage my time when I'm stuck doing that activity for one whole day, and only get to sit down and do my report at the end of the day which is 5pm until i-dont-know-what-time?

The symptoms of stress that I have found above, most of it is happening to me (except the loss of sex drive, drinking more, smoking more stuff - which won't happen). So tell me, how else should I manage my stress? I want to go out, shopping and movies, karaokes maybe. But I just don't have the time, and I'm just too tired for that. Even if I have, I'll just go by myself. That's one good way of destress-ing myself.

Its 10pm now and time to head to bed.

Wishes never come true.

How I wish I don't have to work, how I wish I can live a life with only eating, shopping, travelling all my life. But all that is impossible. I still need to face the truth that I'm currently entering a new phase of life, which I do not fancy it at all. I'm starting to feel the stress that I will be facing for as long as I'm working, not only in this company. Most probably its because I have just started my work, no more part time jobs, no more studying, and its all about work, work and work alone. Life is about making choices, either you make the right or the wrong decision. I'm not sure if I did make a right decision to work here but I believe that I am being put to test right now. I feel that I am actually being taken advantage of, maybe I'm new, maybe I just graduated, everyone assume I can handle everything. Working requires us to have a proper time management in order to complete the given tasks, and no its not that I couldn't manage my time properly, it is just that there are too many things to be done in a short period of time. And it is indeed impossible. 

But I truly believe that Jesus is able to bring me through this, for nothing is impossible without Him. All I need now, is strong faith. I really want to truly rely on Him because without Him, I know that I will fail.

Sharing this song to you, do listen. Its a really nice song and its actually on a repeat mode now. 

Nothing is Impossible - Planet Shakers.

Verse:
I'm not gonna live by what I see,
I'm not gonna live by what I feel

Pre-chorus:
Deep down I,
Know that You're here with me
I know that, You can do anything

Chorus:
Through You,
I can do anything,
I can do all things,
Cause it's You who give me strength,
Nothing is impossible

Through You,
Blind eyes are opened,
Strongholds are broken,
I am living by faith,
Nothing is impossible!

Bridge:
I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe in You

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me - Phillippians 4:13

Left To Die.

Just a testimony to share with all of you as my friend has shared it to me.

As I was reading this, I felt goosebumps all over, this proves how real it is. Someone being left to die by the doctors, had no chance to live at all. But Jesus, saved him. The King of All, the Healer, saved him from dying. 

Do take a few minutes to read this.

July 2011 Newsletter

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

By: Dr. Nasir Siddiki  

Left to Die  

  By age 34, Nasir Siddiki, a successful businessman, had made his first million, but money meant nothing to him on his deathbed. Diagnosed with the worst case of shingles ever admitted to Toronto General Hospital, his immune system shut down and doctors left him to die.

The next morning I woke in a sterile room on the eighth floor of the hospital, my skin burning as though someone had doused me in gasoline and lit a match. I felt on fire from the inside out. 

My doctor arrived and looked at me in wonder. “The blisters are multiplying so fast I can literally watch them grow,” he said. ‘”Your body isn’t fighting back.”  

The next morning, in addition to shingles, I had chicken pox from head to toe. I was put in strict isolation. That evening my temperature soared to 107.6 degrees — hot enough to leave my brain permanently scrambled. 

For days I continued to deteriorate. My nerve endings became so inflamed that a hair drifting across my skin sent shock waves of fire rippling through my body. By week’s end, I was listed in critical condition. 

My Last Hope

In life, I’d been bold, self confident, a risk taker. But facing death, I was terrified. I had no idea what might await me on the other side. I’d been raised as a Moslem in London, England, and I understood Allah was not a god who heals. 

My only hope was in medicine. 

I eventually slipped so close to death that the doctors didn’t know I could hear them when they examined me. “His immune system has simply shut down,” one of them said. 

“He’s dying,” the other confirmed. “His immune system must be compromised by AIDS.” 

I don’t have AIDS! I wanted to shout, but I couldn’t form the words. Then it hit me. He said I’m dying! 

The doctors spoke quietly to my co-worker, Anita. “In a few hours he’ll be dead,” they said. “If by some miracle he lives, he’ll probably be blind in his right eye, deaf in his right ear, paralyzed on his right side and he may be severely brain damaged from the high fever.” 

Then they left. 

They left me here to die! I felt like a drowning man going down for the third time. Gathering my strength I whispered a prayer. “God, if you’re real, don’t let me die!” 

In His Presence

During the darkest hour of the night, I woke and saw a man at the foot of my bed. Rays of light emanated from him, allowing me to see his outline. I couldn’t see his face, it was too bright. No one had to tell me, I knew it was Jesus. 

The Koran mentions Jesus; Moslems believe He existed, not as the son of God, but as a good man and a prophet. I knew this wasn’t Mohammed. I knew it wasn’t Allah. Jesus was in my room. There was no fear, only peace. 

“Why would You come to a Moslem when everyone else has left me to die?” I wondered. 

Without words, he spoke to me. “I Am the God of the Christians. I Am the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.”

That’s all He said. He didn’t mention my illness. He didn’t mention my impending death. As suddenly as He appeared, He was gone. 

The next morning, the same two doctors arrived to examine me. “The blisters have stopped growing!” 

“We don’t know what happened, but the shingles virus has gone into remission!” 

The following day, still in pain and covered with blisters, I was discharged from the hospital with a suitcase full of drugs. “Don’t leave home,” the doctor cautioned. “It will be months before the blisters go away, and when they do you’ll be left with white patches of skin and scars. The pain could last for years.” 

Stepping outside into the morning sun, I looked like a cross between a leper and the Elephant Man. When people saw me, they crossed to the other side of the street. However, my mind was not on my looks; my thoughts were on Jesus. There was no doubt in my mind that Jesus’ presence in my room had stopped the shingles virus. Whatever else Jesus may be, I realized that in His presence miracles happened. 

That fact left me with one consuming question: Is Jesus the Son of God as the Christians claim, or is He just a prophet as I was taught? 

At home that evening, in spite of the drugs, the pain and itching was so severe I almost had to tie my hands. Even so, I fell into a restless sleep wondering about Jesus. 

Learning to Live

The next morning, I woke early and turned on the television. Flipping through the channels, I froze when I saw the following words across the screen: Is Jesus the Son of God? 

I listened intently as two men spent the entire program discussing this topic — answering all of my questions. Before the show went off the air, one of the men led the television audience in a prayer. My body was aflame with pain but I knelt on my living room floor anyway. Tears streaming down my face, I repeated the prayer and invited Jesus into my heart.  

                     

  

Dr. Nasir Siddiki with his wife, Anita  

Immediately a voracious spiritual hunger sprang up within me. I had to know more about Jesus. In spite of my doctor’s orders to stay inside, the next day I went out and bought a Bible. First I read the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. Still ravenous, I started in Genesis and read through the Bible during my sleepless nights.  

                   

Meanwhile, Anita brought me books and teaching tapes explaining the Gospel. I devoured them while continuing to study the Word of God. As my understanding of faith began to grow, I dug out a picture of how I looked before shingles. I prayed and asked God to make me look that way again. Jesus, My Healer

One week after my discharge from the hospital, I woke and found my pillow covered in blisters. I must have clawed them in my sleep, I thought. I crawled out of bed and stepped into the shower. What had started on my pillow was finished in the shower: Every blister fell off my body!

Instead of being covered with patches of white and scar tissue, my skin was simply red and raw. It slowly healed, returning to its pre-shingles condition. When it did, I not only looked human, I looked like I did before I got sick, except for the scars that I still carry on my chest. 

None of the doctor’s dire predictions came true. My eyesight was 20/20. My hearing was normal. My speech was unimpaired. I suffered no brain damage. 

My healing was miraculous, swift and complete. I never suffered from lingering pain or any other complication. Not only did I have the worst case of shingles ever admitted to Toronto General Hospital, I also had the most miraculous recovery. 

Jesus, the God of the Christians, showed up in the hospital room of a dying Moslem and healed me. But that wasn’t the greatest miracle He performed. The transformation that occurred in my heart was even more dramatic than the one that occurred in my body. 

An international teacher and evangelist, Dr. Nasir Siddiki is the founder of Wisdom Ministries (WisdomMinistries.org).He lives in Tulsa, OK with his wife Anita and their two sons.  

With God, all things are possible - Matthew 19:26

I believe most of us only seek God when we are having problems, in our desperate situations, when no one is able to help us, people will tend to switch to the last resort. God, please help me. I need your help. - Only in your desperation you will cry out to God. 


He will listen. When you think that no one can understand you, no one is able to help you, He can. He is always there to listen to our problems, He is always there for us. He is the One who can help us, who can solve all of our problems. 


Take some time to talk to Him, tell Him everything, what's in your mind and heart. He knows every single thing that we are thinking, but He just wants us to talk to Him, share with Him. I believe He loves each and everyone of us, no matter you're a Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Taoist, Hindu or anything at all. Any wrongdoings that you have made, tell Him. He will forgive and He will welcome each of you with open arms. Just seek Him with all your heart and you will find Him. 


God bless :)